For those who’ve damaged issues off with a narcissist, you most likely know what occurs once you don’t reply to a narcissist textual content.
They could even double down on the toxic behavior simply to punish you for breaking free.
They’ll use texting (and different means) to both provoke you or draw you again in each time doable.
So, it pays to know what to look out for and find out how to reply.
After studying this publish, you’ll additionally know when to not.
Is It Value Replying to a Narcissist?
No matter position they nonetheless play in your life, you’re underneath no obligation to let the narcissist drag you into one pointless, agonizing argument after one other.
Generally, the perfect response is none in any respect.
- After they criticize one thing about you or one thing you’ve executed;
- After they use a passive-aggressive dig to get a response from you;
- After they attempt to love-bomb you again into the connection.
That final one is very pernicious. It’s simple sufficient to disregard petty barbs and significant feedback. It’s one other to metal your self in opposition to the narcissist’s makes an attempt at rekindling one thing with you—particularly if a part of you continue to yearns for the nice instances you had.
We get it. Perhaps, at their greatest, the narcissist was the human incarnation of erotic love and romance. They knew what buttons to push. It’s tempting to allow them to have their means with you at times.
Besides now, you realize the price of letting them have their means. And your freedom is value extra to you than a second’s bliss.
That stated, in some conditions, just a few alternative phrases will do you extra good than silence:
- After they disregard your request to do one thing in your (shared) youngsters;
- After they attempt to guilt you into doing one thing that’s not in your greatest pursuits;
- When they text you at all hours and want a (transient) reminder of your waking hours.
If blocking them isn’t an possibility (e.g., you share custody or parenting time along with your children), you’ll be able to nonetheless make it extra rewarding for the narcissist to respect your boundaries — and fewer rewarding to violate them.
Reply to a Narcissist Textual content: 11 of the Finest Comebacks
So, what’s the easiest way to answer a narcissist textual content message? By now, you’ve acquired some sense of their patterns, and you should use that to your benefit. Use the ideas described beneath to information you. And make a remark of those you discover most useful.
1. Establish their purpose for texting you.
The extra conscious you might be of the narcissist’s motives for texting you, the simpler it’s to know whether or not and find out how to reply.
Get clear on why they’re texting you and what they’re after earlier than deciding if you wish to textual content them again. Use what you’ve discovered out of your time with them.
What are their common ways to get your consideration? What do they usually need from you? And what has labored for them prior to now?
2. Decide whether or not to answer in any respect.
It’s not all the time sensible to answer to a narcissist textual content message.
Usually sufficient, responding does extra hurt than good—even in the event you handle to maintain your cool and deflect their petty arrows. It nonetheless drags you right into a psychological house that’s exhausting and contributes nothing to your well-being or anybody else’s.
Each time doable, leave the narcissist to their very own poisonous musings. You’ve acquired higher makes use of in your time, power, and headspace.
3. After they’re on the lookout for a struggle, don’t interact.
The narcissist might attempt to attract you into an argument utilizing petty criticism, passive-aggressive digs, or blatant insults. Resist the pull.
Except it is advisable reply, ignore their makes an attempt to get your hackles up.
Lock these hackles down. The narcissist isn’t value it. And you realize they’ll do no matter it takes to win an argument or, on the very least, drag you down into their private hellscape. As a result of how dare you could have a great day until they’re those liable for it?
4. When essential, reply—don’t react.
The narcissist will undoubtedly keep in mind what’s labored prior to now to get a response from you. And typically, silence solely provides gasoline to the hearth. Or it emboldens them to do worse.
So, if it is advisable reply to their provocative texts, hold it easy and to the purpose. Don’t react in the way in which they (clearly) count on you to.
Keep your calm, and allow them to know you’re not the straightforward mark they nonetheless assume you might be.
5. When doable, follow “sure” or “no” solutions.
Preserve your reply brief, clear, and concise. Get to the purpose shortly, and don’t let the narcissist drag you down any tangents that don’t have any bearing in your reply.
Each time doable, give a easy “sure” or “no” reply and go away it at that. Resist the urge to elaborate or launch right into a tangent of your individual.
That brings us to the subsequent tip.
6. Resist the urge to clarify all the pieces.
No means no. You don’t must justify each sure or no reply. And also you achieve nothing by making an attempt to make them perceive.
If the narcissist calls for an evidence, and you realize they’d solely use it to select aside or dismiss your reasoning, calmly decline. You’ve given your reply, and whereas they could need an evidence, they don’t want one.
Whenever you let go of your want to clarify your self, they’ve one much less lever to tug.
7. Don’t be fooled by the love bombs.
If love-bombing has labored prior to now, the narcissist may try it again to see if they’ll get what they need from you—or if they’ll get you again underneath their management.
If they fight luring you right into a shared recollection of your greatest instances collectively, calmly resist.
It helps to recollect the moments that led to the break-up and the narcissistic traits which can be nonetheless very a lot behind their conduct towards you.
8. Set and implement agency boundaries.
Except there’s an emergency, your ex has no business texting you throughout your sleeping hours or once you’re at work and anticipating a immediate response.
Granted, when youngsters are concerned, and also you’re navigating shared custody or visitation rights, there shall be some scheduling changes on each side.
But when your ex is anticipating you to do most (or all) of the adjusting, it’s time to make your boundaries and expectations clearer.
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9. Use the leverage you could have.
Merely asking your ex to select up certainly one of your children or meet you for one thing it’s important to do collectively may not get the gratifying response you’re hoping for.
If you realize your baby enjoys their time along with your ex, use that. Let the narcissist understand how a lot your baby appears ahead to seeing them. Perhaps you’re not eager in your ex’s firm, however the baby who loves you each actually is.
And which may be simply what the narcissist desires (and even wants) to listen to.
10. Keep constructive or impartial.
We’re not saying it’s best to all the time be constructive or spin all the pieces into sunshine and rainbows. That’s not practical, and also you’ll simply find yourself annoying everybody, together with your self.
When positivity feels inauthentic or compelled, neutrality is your best choice.
It’s higher to evaluate a scenario with “It’s what it’s” than to drive your self to discover a silver lining when there isn’t one. Generally, the perfect you are able to do is acknowledge the reality of the scenario and describe it in impartial language.
11. Preserve your feelings shut.
I do know it may be brutally troublesome to stuff all these feelings into a bit of field and reply to your ex as in the event you’ve flipped a change and really feel nothing. It’s one thing we regularly want we may do round individuals who damage us. The much less you are feeling, the much less they’ll damage you.
However once you’re texting (fairly than speaking face-to-face), it’s at the very least simpler to maintain emotion out of your response. Use that to your benefit.
Now that you understand how to answer a narcissist textual content message, what ideas stood out for you? Your scenario is exclusive, so some factors usually tend to resonate than others.
Nonetheless, you’re not alone in what you’re going by or the hoops it’s important to bounce to maintain your sanity and to guard any youngsters you would possibly share along with your narcissist ex.
What is going to you do in a different way right now?